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| Alvesgaspar. "Reflection in a soap bubble edit". 26 March 2008 via Wikimedia Commons Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported |
I reviewed Nicole Nelson's and Mark Mellott's drafts to project 3.
What was the purpose and audience of your original paper? How successfully did it achieve that purpose and reach that audience?
I will not do a global revision to my project, as I do not believe it is necessary to re-do the entire project with a different purpose in mind. The purpose I chose for the specific audience that I wrote to, I believe, should be kept the same. I still addressed the purpose of my argument through many of my presentation slides without drastically affecting how the audience will perceive the overall message. Just to restate, my purpose was to show how state laws regarding vaccination requirements, their strictness and the rate that children have them, is different between many states. Certain states have higher vaccination rates than others. This contributes to the fact that the states with lower rates have higher rates of vaccine-preventable diseases. The audience was designed for experts (mainly doctors and lawmakers) who review information often in regard to vaccines and their effects. Parents who constantly deal with the issues of their children needing to be vaccinated is the other group in the audience.
Why are you revising this paper?
Revisions that need to be made in my presentation will not affect the overall outlook of the project. Instead, I will change grammatical errors and presentation errors. The need for these items to be cleared up is essential to having a properly formatted project. By fixing these errors, the audience will not only have an easier time reading the presentation, but they will see that there is a better flow to it.
Whom are you revising for? Get solid answer to the Questions of Audience Awareness.
I am revising my project specifically for the two groups that I mentioned in the first question. These individuals would want to read my presentation so that they can get a better and more informed understanding of the different vaccination requirements in the U.S. Showing them the different statistics and data (including tables and maps) will be an important piece to providing more persuasive information. Since my presentation has practically no examples of bias of my positions, but instead has more data to back up claims, my audience will find the project to be more trustworthy.
How will the following aspects of your paper change?
Length
It will be a bit longer, since I have to space out my bullet points by making them more uniform throughout the entire presentation. The reason being is that, I still want to include my visuals, but having a uniform font size is a more professional approach of going about this project.
Format
I will keep the same format because I believe the project transitions well between the different slides.
Appearance
The only difference in appearance will be formatting the size of the words in the project, keeping them uniform.
Use of evidence
I feel that I have provided enough necessary evidence in order for the audience to have a better understanding of the problems involved with the controversy.
Introduction and conclusion
My introduction is quickly reviewing how vaccinations work and then addressing the points I will make in the body of my presentation. My conclusion is the recapping of my entire project. Since I do not believe these parts had no major issues, I will go ahead and stick with the same (minus fixing any errors) parts.
Structure of your argument
I will keep the same structure since I addressed three key issues involved in my argument.
Depth of your argument
I do not want to overfill information in my project. I have provided enough evidence along with commentary to it, so that the audience can view the important aspects to the argument.
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